Do Your Worst
by Nightlife Maiden
Summary: Bella and Alice have left Edward in my care, as they go on a shopping trip. What crazy things can I make poor Eddy do? Everything! Special Guest appearence, SESSHOMARU! MAJOR OOC! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


Summary-Edward comes to my house while Bella and Alice are shopping. What crazy stuff can I force him endore? Everything. Special guest appearence, the incredably hot, SESSHOMARU!!! MAJOR OOC!!!! WARNING YOU NOW!!

* * *

"Edward? Would you like some eggs and bacon?" I innocently questioned. 

He looked at me with no emotion played on his pale stone face, but his warm golden eyes flashed in annoyance. "I don't eat food. Remember?"

"Right…" I porpously drew the word out longer. I wanted to see how long he would last before he broke. I don't know how, but suddenly the radio sprung to life, shattering the tense atmosphere. At first it was a little twitch in my finger, than a simple tap of the foot. Soon to Edward's farther unamusment, I unexpectantly leaped to my feet and began to move my body in something that could resemble a dance. Limbs were thrown all over the place, my hips jerking in sudden directions and my head was like a bobble toy, just bouncing along for the ride.

"Come on, Eddy!" I excitedly shouted. He looked at me like I was out of my mind for even suggesting such a poposterous idea. I probably was.

Soon the song ended, and I finally regained control of my body. I looked over at Edward and got a fabulous idea.

"Let's bake a cake!" I yelped at the top of my lungs.

My sudden outburst surprised poor Edward Eddy so much, that he fell of the kitchen stool he was sitting on.

I looked at him with complete and total seriousness. "Dude, that's so not cool. You're supposed to be stealthy. Some vampire you are." I told him with a monotone voice. He stood up, but his left eye was twitching. It appeared that he was going to say one of those witty comebacks that he's known for, but I beat him to it with one of my own.

"Come on, you lazy bum! Get out the measuring cup…and 8 eggs while you're there!"

He was so close, but alas, he took control of the situation with a few un-needed deep breathes and obediently retrieves the measuring cup and eggs.

'_Damn.' _I thought.

As I ran back and forth across the kitchen, my blood-sucking servant quietly watched me from the safety of a distance. It suddenly clicked in to his brain how many eggs I had asked for.

"How many cookies are you planning on making?" he asked, almost frightened of the answer.

A devious grin covered my face as I continued to stir the delicious mixture. "Not much," I casually shrug, "20 batches…"

He gives me the same look when I asked him to dance. "And what, pray tell, do you plan to do with all those cookies?" This time, I _knew_ he was afraid of what I'd say.

"We're gonna load them all into my super-cool cherry wagon, and then deliver them to all the good little boys and girls!" I enthusiastically replied.

Edward let out a low groan of discontentment before slamming his onto the kitchen counter.

After I finished baking all my cookies, and defeated Edward in a flour-throwing contest, that he had involuntarily joined in on, we packed my sugar-sweets into these adorable little boxes and loaded them onto the red wagon.

"…Well what are you waiting for? Mush!" I shouted at Edward as I pointed to my awesome get-away car.

With a low grumbled, "Bitch," he picked up the handle and started to pull.

* * *

After we had delivered most of the boxes, my miserable companion asked, "Why are we baking cookies and handing them out to children? What, did you want to over-throw Santa Clause?" he taunted me.

I looked at him in total shock, "How did you know?!" I retorted.

He looked at me with pity, "You're a freak of nature." He simply told me, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I smiled back at him as I walked up the next house's front steps, "I love you too!"

"Scary bitch." he mumbled.

* * *

When my sexy-mobile was emptied of its luggage, we, or should I say Edward, pulled it back to my house and into the garage.

To my utter surprise, in my living room was no other than Sesshomaru, patiently sitting on my sofa, sipping tea He looked up from his warm beverage and directed his attention to me. "I see you are home." his cool voice floated over to me, practically making me melt.

With half-lidded eyes, I merely nodded my head.

Edward took note of my actions and excused himself, claiming to require something from the laundry room. Too occupied to tease him by asking him what he would need in there, I could only nod dumbly, my eyes still glued to the gorgeous figure in front of me.

He couldn't have been gone more than 5 minutes, and when he returned, he could only stare unintelligently as Sesshomaru and I were feverishly making-out on the sofa, me on top of course.

"MY POOR VIRGIN EYES!" he yelled as he fell to the floor, covering his eyes, moaning in pain.

Sess and I opened our own eyes, to look at him with strange glances, our mouths still connected, before shrugging it off as in, 'oh well…' and continued of mouth-to-mouth assault.

* * *

Awhile, later, Sess and were still making-out when we continued to hear Edward moan and groan from the floor.

I, to the disappointment to both me and my lip-lock buddy, I broke our heated kiss to look down at Edward and ask, "Is it normal for someone to groan that much?"

Sesshomaru brought his lips to my ear and whispered, "I'm not sure, but I'm willing to find out…" as he then started to nibble on my ear in a suggestive manner.

"Oh god…" I moaned.

That was the breaking point for Edward, he snapped, and when I say snapped, I mean snapped. His calm demeanour crushed as he began to laugh at the top of his dead lungs.

"Uhoh…" I desperately sighed, "Bella's not gnna be happy! I broke her boyfriend!"

I ran around in circles, to the amusement of Seehomaru before collapsing onto his lap.

"How do you fix a broken boyfriend? Broken boyfriend, hmmmmm…?" I began to panic before turning in the demon's lap and grasping the front of his shirt. "How do I fix a broken boyfriend?" I urgently questioned.

"Well, you could-" he began, but was interrupted by Bella's happy voice.

"I'm back!" she entered the chaotic living room to see a mentally disturbed Edward laughing in the corner as loud as he could in the fetal position, and me sitting in the lap of a sexy demon with long silver hair and face markings.

She nervously looked at Sess before saying, "Ummmm…hello. How are you?" as politely as she could.

"I'm managing." he replied

My eyes were pressed tightly together, waiting for her to notice Edward's…current condition.

_'Dear God, please let me live long enough to get into Sesshomaru's pants…' _I prayed, but I was stupefied when Bella let out an exhausted sigh, and bent down to Edward's level before kissing him on those cold lips of his. (Don't ask me how I knew that…) As Bella pulled away, Edward had completely returned to normal.

_"_Come on Edward, Alice is waiting in the car…" she told him. "Thanks again for watching him, Chloe! Are you free next weekend? It's Renee's birthday, so I'm flying out there. Would you mind watching him again?"

"NO!" Edward shouted, "Please, no! Don't leave me alone with her!" he pleaded.

"Okay than Edward, come on." She said as she led him to the door she gave me an apologetic look and mouthed: I'll call you…

With a smile I said, "Bye bye Eddy! Can't wait till next week!"

As the door closed with a click, I was suddenly swooped up into Sesshomaru's arms and tossed over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"We are going to finish what we started…I do believe that your question was unanswered…" he seductively purred.

Hell, I had no qualms with that! I was content with where I was, I mean, who wouldn't if they had as great of a view as I did of Sess's ass. Yep, life was great…


End file.
